I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
