Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
