If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
