he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
