She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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