Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
