then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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