I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage