He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.