in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.