just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard