i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts