We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
