PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
