she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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