dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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