You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
