My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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