i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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