I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
