does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
