If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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