Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
