Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
