Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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