I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
