what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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