The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Someone came in the potted fern
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
