i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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