I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
