you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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