I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
