the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
