So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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