I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
and you fell through a lawn chair
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
