i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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