but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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