My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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