Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
