I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
