I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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