hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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