Did you just see the Batmobile???
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
