There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
