We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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