I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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