like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
