Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
