why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
