if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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