I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
