oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Terrible idea I love it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
