I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where did you get a picture of my penis
high people should be assigned attendants
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
