And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
