I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
