i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
