it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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