Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
