i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
