i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
