I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
