What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
