i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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