So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is wine microwaveable?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
