Welp...herpes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
