haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
