all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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