I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my shit smells like andre
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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