I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
