My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
