I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
