At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
