Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
