Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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