i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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