He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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