I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
