I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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